Not A Fan: Halloween Edition
Hello, people of the internet. It is I, Brooke, here ready to throw words at you. But this time these words are a bit more cozier and festive.
And yes, that means we have entered the month of October. And all the white girls just got really excited.
Now calm your ducks I am not here to drag October through the streets, I am here to drag Halloween through the streets.
Very different things, the first thing that is different between the two is that I love mi some October, I like my fur coats that I can wear again, my snickerdoodle hot chocolate (Starbucks ad), my boots that make me an inch taller, the colored trees, pumpkin spice and cinnamon literally sprinkling from the sky, blankets with purpose, and Autumn is just my color.
See? These are beautiful reasons to love October, it's like my second favorite month (more on that later.) HOWEVER, there is one thing about the month of October that just butters my biscuit, and that is Halloween.
Oh Halloween, dear, dear, dear Halloween, you smell like old, cheap costumes and I cannot take it no more.
I could tolerate you when I was a little lass, because I wanted the glittering treats you offered in the streets, but those days are long gone! I can't go knocking on a door nor do I have the energy to walk around.
So what am I to do on Halloween? Watch Twitches and Halloweentown? Why, yes. That is what I am doing when the loud children knock at my door. I usually try to leave the lights off and just leave stranded candy on my porch so I can be left in peace with my Twitches and pumpkin bread, but they still make a ruckus. Like they don't know how to walk quietly in the cold begging for candy. Pathetic.
I also don't like Halloween for the horror, I am tired of seeing creep clowns popping up in random places trying to scare me. JUST GO EAT A DONUT AND LEAVE THIS 5'2 YOUNGSTER OUT OF YOUR SHENANIGANS.
Or being chased by a man with a chainsaw in a corn maze, my tiny heart just can't handle it. Actually, side note to avoid monsters chasing after you, clutch your chest and go, "Oh darn I am getting heart burn." Say it just like that no extra pauses needed and they will let you be. Monsters try to avoid law suits, it's a fact, so you'll be safe. Works for me every time.
Also, why the helicopter is candy corn a thing? It's disgusting.
Yep, that was the end of my candy corn rant, it's a universal hatred you don't need to be ranted at no more about that candy corn, you're welcome.
Yes, those are my complaints about Halloween, I am pretty sure I have more but you may need to schedule an appointment because my hands hurt.
Also, count how many times I've said more, and I'll give you candy corn.
Also, check out that photo I took, isn't it snazzy? I'll answer that for you... yes.
But this is one thing I like about Halloween:
Ta, ciao.
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