December 2018 / BROOKE HANNEL

New Year New Melons

Monday, December 31, 2018

Molasses. Metamorphic. Melon.

M words.

Yes, I did google words that begin with 'm' because I would have slit my throat if I had to write 'New Year New M...' I am not finishing that sentence. Can't get blood on this keyboard, too messy, you know?

Why, hello, internet. How are you? How was Christmas? Did you eat Santa's chocolate head? I didn't. I ate hash-browns. With ketchup.

Ok to be honest I am not here to discuss Christmas. No siree. That ship has sailed. That planet has rotated. We are six days away from that, it's New Years Eve.

And, I get excited for New Years Eve, because I am already tired of the year and I am ready to wear white and welcome the new year.

Yo, 2019, how's it going? Wanna go shopping? Cool. Cool. Cool.

So, I am half Brazilian and Brazilians are obsessed with New Year celebrations. We wear white to ask for peace in the new year and enter it fresh and clean.

We wear gold accessories to ask for money in the new year.

We don't eat food that walk backwards because we don't want the year to go backwards. So, that means I have eaten so much fish. (They don't swim backwards fun fact.) EDUCATION.

So, I always welcome the new year in white. Why aren't you, psycho?

Anyway, I am excited. I turn 20. I can become tan again in Summer. Lana Del Rey's new album comes out. New Avengers (where you at Spiderman?). And I am just ready to see what freaking happens, you know? Perhaps I'll watch grass grow or own an army of chickens, and then if one bothers me I'll eat it.

Ooooh I really hope for that last one. Beware of my chickens. They come with a birdlike vengeance.

Now, I didn't exactly come up with resolutions, I'm not a resolution person. I never keep my promises and I am lazy. So, why start the new year with failure, you know?

I just ignore it. But I suppose there are some things I would like to accomplish, like I would love to travel more but I probs won't unless someone showers me with money ASAP.

I don't know I'd like to be more social? Perhaps. I don't know I spent the beginning of 2018 staying at home with my dog. Now I wanna go out and eat with people. But you know I don't necessarily regret staying with my dog binge watching Vampire Diaries. I learned a lot.

But 2018 was interesting, I like watching it from afar. Like I went to Brazil for the first time, almost got kidnapped, drank coconut water, and almost stepped on sea urchins, yay!

I rediscovered my love for Damon Salvatore. Remembered the beauty of Jude Law. Anyone seen him in the 90's? What a masterpiece.

I joined the school newspaper, wrote some snazz stuff. Had to participate in a meditating event which I totally do not recommend, especially since they kept talking about vegan bacon. What the heck is that?

Ooooh and who can forget that I chopped all my hair off? Oh what a freeing, beautiful time.

I look snazzy people. Snazzy. Short hair is my new BFF.

Anyway, those are some highlights from 2018 I suppose. I'm sure other things happened but I just ate a bunch of fish and am super distracted right now, but it wasn't too shabby. Not too shabby yo.

You know, internet. Forget resolutions those are poop. Just be happy and if you want to improve yourself do it ya know? But don't pressure yourself, don't enter the year stressed. You have the whole year to do things, and who knows what will happen.

Maybe you'll meet a vampire or run over a deer. Who knows? You know?

But I will make one resolution, I will write more on this boxed up blog thing.

Per request of Brianna, I see you Shaniqua!

Ok and one last Damon gif of the year, hello!

And then for my new current obsession sounding off the new year, Mr. Young Jude Law, my dream man.

Ok, I am done. Leave me alone now.

Ciao.

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Why hello, internet, good to see you again.

How's it going?

Watched any good shows in my absence?

I hope so, you hermit!

Ok, so this article came about because I decided to watch a little ole show on Netflix called the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, which is good but lacks the Salem I need and want in life.

If you don't know what I am talking about then first, how dare you, sir? And, second, let me educate ya.

So, Salem is the cool cat, that used to be a warlock but is now just a cat, he is literally the best thing on this planet and television and I grew up with him while he was acting it up on the show, Sabrina the Teenage Witch with that blonde lady in the 90s.

And, oh Salem was my fav, he had the hippest, most sarcastic, and snazziest personality in this dimension, so I was excited when I heard he would be in the new Sabrina Netflix show.

HOWEVER, I was very disappointed.

THERE WAS NO SARCASTIC HIP CAT.

I think Salem literally says like 3 words to Sabrina, and he's not even in cat form when he does it. I am watching this Netflix series and thinking how Salem would never just willy nilly follow Sabrina around, he'd set up some ground rules and then insult her if she did anything stupid, much to what I was doing while watching the show.

So, before I review the Sabrina Netflix TV show, I THOUGHT I could share my favorite Salem moments and quotes from that 90's show, and let us reminisce a bit on Salem's magic since we are obviously without it on this Netflix bop.

Let us begin, my internet people.