March Madness (No Basketball Involved)
Well, well, well, well, well.
My deepest apologies to every man, woman, and child for my absence.
But its been a hell of a year.
(I know that 2019 has only lived for like, 3 months, but shut up)
I suppose I should start out by saying happy March. March is such a hopeful month, you know? Like, I am finally seeing birds, I guess they are back from the south or wherever they go. I actually see my neighbors, I can see the ugly snow melting on the mountain, I see a dandelion on my lawn. Like, people I am hopeful.
Such a good time, my body is ready for spring, my mind is ready for spring, my dog is ready for spring. Just where the hell is Spring? Bring it here, mother nature, bring it to me nowwwwwwww.
Anyway sorry about that. I occasionally get carried away or whatever.
Hmm what can I say? Well, I turned 20 last month. Yes, that is right, 20. Calm down, I know it's hip and I know you're sad that you didn't get me a present, but its totes cool, I forgive you ya wanker.
I am very happy to be 20, what a good age, amiright? Such a good, even, pretty number. Such a number. It's honestly surprising that I have lived for 2 decades and managed to not get hit by a bus or murdered during this time. How magical.
I had a good birthday, I really did. I ate tacos and cake, as one does when they celebrate birth. I threw a party that was a murder mystery party, I was not the murderer unfortunately but the kit did cost me 30 dollars so I was kind of hoping I'd be murdered but whatevs, we are moving on from that.
I got a new bag and snake mules because that's me in a sentence. And ooooh I got a really nice bronzer from milk makeup that makes me look like I came back from Ibiza or that a pixie bit me and now I look constantly glowy. Whatever comes to your mind first. SO, that is very nice.
ALSO, another birthday present was Ariana Grande's album. Yes that gal. She released it on my birthday, how sweet of her, don't cha think? Very kind, very generous. What a bop of an album. And if you disagree that is A-OK, but I honestly don't think I can talk to you any longer. And before you ask yes, NASA is one of my favs on that song. It makes me laugh.
What else have I been up to? Well, I watched Umbrella Academy, that was something. Definitely was something. I enjoyed it, except I thought Vanya was such a whiner, like shut up, no one cares your childhood sucked, welcome to half of the population. The best thing about that show was Klaus. I want him to be my friend, I want to go on a road trip with him, and I want him to bake me a pie. Honestly, what a guy.
My love for Jude Law has been revamped, especially since Instagram thought it would be a good idea to have Jude Law grace my timeline with these bad boys:
I mean wipe that drool off of your face, Shaniqua, that is disgusting.
And clearly, I am talking to myself, because how the hell could you not drool with this man staring at you? I want scientists to research that, thank you very much.
OH I have also been really into mini skirts lately, only problem is that I got keep em stems moisturized and shaved which is a hassle but it's worth it for em mini skirts, amiright? I'm right, don't sass me.
Mini skirts, are just this like powerful pieces of clothing. Like a coat. I mean there is nothing like Mini Skirt Energy (MSE). Apparently MSE stands for mean square error, but who the hell cares? Mathematicians yes but we don't like them anyway.
#MSE
Please tweet that for me, my subjects.
What else has happened you may ask? Well, I've gotten really into astrology, like really into it. Like I am practically an expert. More like I just look at astrology memes on instagram all day, but no regrets. None.
I can say things like "Pisces season sucks" because it most definitely does. We were recently in Aquarius season, and I was beaming, I was glittering, I was sparkling, I was on top of a mountain and living it up with all the birds in the sky. Yes, long analogy I know, but I think it works.
Aquarius season was just for me (because I am an Aquarius, fun fact of the decade) and it allowed me to be fresh as a junebug. HOWEVER, Pisces season does not like me, I have been an emotional wreck and literally sleep at random times of the day. And I mean this isn't shocking because this tends to be a normal thing, but this time it's different. Which is clearly obnoxious because I have missed so much class and ended up failing my history exam. This could also be because of mercury retrograde, but who knows, all I know is that this is hella poop. And I am currently waiting for Aries season, because no one needs emotions, they get in the way of so many things, I swear.
Also this is a representation of me:
This is so accurate it hurts.
Also can I just say that Twitter has been popping? I should make a post of the best tweets I have seen because literally Instagram, ciao, I am laughing on Twitter.
Anyway, I honestly don't know what else to talk about. I think I've covered the gist of my 2019 time. Maybe I'll say more later or not. Maybe I will forget about this blog again until someone asks me about it (Hello, Emily) or maybe I will post more, oooh ask me advice people, I'd love to be Dr. Phil. I think I honestly give great advice. I mean I am not good at taking my own, but yes I am good at serving it Shaniqua. So let miss empress Brooke, know what is tearing at your seams and imma help you out.
Or not.
But I do love a good form of bribery soooooooo.
Bribe me. I'll give you my Venmo, but I also really love snickerdoodles and fries.
Also, I do apologize for the lack of basketball in the post, yes I know what basketball is. But honestly I don't watch it, I mean I did watch it in high school and thought it was fun, but the only way I am going to another basketball game is if a handsome guy came strutting along with a basketball ticket, then boy, I will know everything about basketball. Guaranteed.
~
OK, ciao.
(Above is a representation of me, clearly.)
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