Do I Want A Vampire Boyfriend?

Do I Want A Vampire Boyfriend?

• Saturday, October 13, 2018

Well, here we are again. Me, my words, and my little attitude. 

(Ok can we just take a moment to appreciate that little song I made out of nowhere? Yes.)

Ok, so for the past week, for some strange reason vampires have been all over my radar.

I think it may have started when I was bored and was wondering what I should watch on Netflix, and I was scrolling through my list and stumbled upon sweet ole Vampire Diaries. Now I had seen this show previously up to season 5, and anything after season 4 is poop. That's right, poop.

And so I decided to rewatch season 2, and I sat there realizing, that dang Damon Salvatore is a handsome piece of work, I would totally take him to dinner and discuss Harry Potter. And you know, kiss him. But I DIGRESS. 

As I was on this Vampire Diaries banger I was surfing youtube when I discovered a video reviewing the Twilight movie, and can I just say, that Twilight was the sketchiest and cringiest movie? Like, seriously. I don't know how I did not catch onto that as a kid. (Also, if you don't know I loved Twilight up until I was 12, I even had a Twilight themed birthday party. Yes.)

And, then I just went on this road of watching clips from the Twilight movies, and watching the most cringe and hilarious scenes, that weren't meant to be hilarious. And I sat there thinking, "Why the heck, is Bella going out with Edward?" I mean in the first movie, he says how much he wants to eat her, I mean if that's not a red flag, I don't know what is.

So, I've been thinking why le poop are girls going gah gah for these cold dead, but undead men? And not only are they cold dead, undead men, but they are cold dead, undead men that eat people, suck them dry of their blood and youth. Like slurp, done. 

Is it just because they are cute? Because I mean Damonnnnnn

Ahhhhh sighhhhh.

What was my point again?

Oh, yes. THEY MIGHT EAT YOU.

I don't think you should date anyone on a might situation. Such as: "He might punch you in the face" "He might eat all the food in your fridge." "He might make out with your sister, and then throw acid in your face."

You know situations that you should avoid. 

However, I didn't answer the question that was first posed towards me. The short answer is no, I am not currently searching for a vampire boyfriend. I mean if Damon waltzed into my life, and was like, "Yo Brooke you are hip as an actual hip, and I want to go have dinner with you and discuss Harry Potter." First, I would faint, second, I'd be like for sure mosquito boy, and then third make sure we were in a public place, because of the whole, might drain you of your blood situation. 

But no I still wouldn't date him or a vampire for that matter, they wouldn't be my first option or my last. But let me just put another photo of Damon, because we need him in my vampire-less love life (which is probably going to lead me to a long life.)

Ah such beauty. Bravo, sir. B.R.A.V.O.

But seriously, stop romanticizing vampires, ahem Bella Swan. Stop it. They'll kill you and drink you and desert you. Go for someone with a pulse please. It's not that hard to not bang a corpse. 

Yes, I needed more Damon, ok I am done with my spew, ciao.