The Men of Mamma Mia
Hello dear internet, I am here today, to rant.
I know what you're thinking, "But Brooke everyday I hear people complaining and I want some fresh air of happiness and joy."
I say bah humbug to that Shaniqua.
Because this is some fresh air that you need to hear, and that is the analyzation of the young, attractive men of Mamma Mia 2.
Now, I was deathly ill a week ago and decided to rent some Mamma Mia 2, because my mother said it was better than the first one, (I think she only said that because there were young, fresh guys) so I paid that pricey sum of 5 dollars and hit that play button.
And, boy was I surprised.
First, the movie is no good, sorry fans but its a piece of poo. And I have done with out.
However, what I paid very close attention to, were the three men from young Donna's life, yes sir, I am talking about young Sam, young Bill, and young Harry, in case you had forgotten.
Here's a reference pic:
Ok, so I know the whole blob story of how Donna slept with all three men in a very short amount of time between each one and then ends up pregnant by one of them (my best bet is that it's Sam but that's just me.)
And, let me tell ya when I saw the previews for this movie, I thought, "Dang, young Sam is cute, marry me young Sam, hallo." Also I had previously taken a quiz to which young man I'd end up with and they said Sam, and I was ecstatic.
UNTIL I LEARNED THAT SAM IS A SLEAZE BALL. AND TASTELESS.
Young Sam is the epitome of a toolbag, he literally also has no personality, he's like plain toast.
First, he just takes this girl to his tiny cabin after saving some rando horse and instantly does the devil tango with her. AND DID I MENTION WHILE ALL OF THIS IS HAPPENING AND HE IS WITH DONNA FOR LIKE A WEEK OR SOMETHING HE HAS A POOPING FIANCE.
Yes, the man is not only the color beige BUT he is also a lying, cheating cheeseball.
I can not handle it.
And, yes some may defend him and say, "Oh but he came back for her." I DON'T GIVE A POOP, he should have never gotten in the relationship in the first place or should have dumped his fiancé via pigeon mail and stayed with Donna on the remote island.
Yes, Sam, you fooled me with your pretty eyes and charming smile and cool bomber jacket and hip motorcycle skills and being a lover of animals and saving them and having a cute cottage on a Grecian island and having bomb photography skills and just looking finnnnnneeee all the dang long time.
Um, yes you FOOLED ME SIR YOU FOOLED ME I HAD SUCH HIGH HOPES YOU HANDSOME MAN.
~
Ok next guy, it's HARRY'S TURN.
I'll keep it short because Harry didn't betray my heart. Because simply I didn't care for Harry.
I just thought he was some weird guy. I mean he literally knows this girl for like 5 seconds and then begs her to sleep with him. Bro, step back.
I didn't have high hopes for him, I mean seems like a sweet guy but ultimately could be a psycho. I'm done with him. NEXT.
~
Now for young Mr. Bill.
OK BILL SHOCKED ME. HE SHOCKED ME. I HAVE BEEN FLOORED.
This is what I have to say about Bill and I am not proud of what I thought before seeing the film.
When I saw the previews I saw young Bill, and I was like "Hmmm he's not as cute as Sam, so totes not rooting for him" I also thought old Bill was freaky so definitely did not give any hope for Bill.
BUT BOY WAS I FOOLED (BUT IN A GOOD WAY.)
Bill turned out to be the best guy.
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT? Not me, sir.
Once you saw him in action, you realized that his sweet smile and charming blue eyes just suddenly pulls you in, and you're like "Bill let's sail off into the sunset!"
I mean what? Why did he not look as cute as in the previews as he did in the film? Is it his boyish charm? His humorous outlook? His cute sailor outfit that pulled it all together? I am not sure, but whatever it is the film made him popping.
First, he actually respects Donna, I mean he for sure wants to sleep with her too, but he's not begging her or anything he is just joking with her and having fun. He also doesn't really try anything and drops her off at the island, and is like ciao, girl, hope to see ya later.
Um yes please.
And THEN HE COMES BACK WHEN POOP SAM LEAVES.
AND SHE FALLS INTO HIS ARMS, HE HAS RESCUED HER. YES PLEASE.
AND THEN HE CHEERS HER UP BECAUSE HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD.
A HEART OF GOLD.
And, then he is still respectful till the end! And waits for Donna to make a move because he is respectful! RESPECT, tell me what that means to me.
Cute, charming, and funny Bill sailed his way into my heart, and I was SHOCKED.
~
This film's previews TRICKED ME. I thought I'd be head over heels for Sam, but what is that? Bill coming in hot? What? What a magical thing, I do declare.
Ah Bill yes you win, I announce you best from the three, congrats, Shaniqua.
Also, click here to find out which one your soulmate is, took it again and mine is still Sam, but everyone says I go for the douches anyway, so I guess its a fate I cannot escape. Sigh.
Let me know who you think was the best man and who is your soulmate from Mamma Mia.
Ok, Ciao.
~
P.S. We all know the best man is still Damon.
No comments
Post a Comment